One Word... EMOTIONAL
I woke up feel just down and with a headache I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to cry... but I couldn't. I couldn't even work out why I wanted to cry. I had emotions that were surfacing and my rational brain was thinking something, my heart was feeling something else... but then I though... 'hold on it's that always the case'.
While I was on my walk I spoke to the leader about the reasons why I was going through the detox, and I think I'm the only one there not doing it for weightloss... I'm doing it to get me back in every sense of the word. I feel and have felt beaten up, not with anything in particular, just emotionally beaten, so now I'm taking care of me. So with that has to come the emotions that are attached. It's all a letting go process. Something I didn't want to do... until now. I have to do it, it's healthy to do it and it opens the pathway to other opportunities.
After doing my yoga and a deep meditation, I realized I had grown and I was in a state of peace. Serenity, and I just needed to allow these emotions to surface and float away. But it was hard today... I was stuck. Stuck thinking... 'what if?' stuck thinking 'if only' stuck thinking 'maybe if?' I was just stuck.
Finally the tears flowed... OMG did they flow... It took several hours moping, but they started to flow. I'm still processing. Processing the irrational behaviours, emotions, and actions that have happened in life. The patterns that I have found myself in. Then looking at my life as it is now and seeing patterns again forming and wondering how to stop them. Just feeling overwhelmed... with my emotions and how to process them.
However I am also valuing and honoring the lessons that I was given that bought me to this place... the people who have had an impact, the love that I have shared... and I realized that everything is love... just everything. It was a space that I was in just before I left on the cruise, and while I was away, but today I was struggling to find it until those tears... and I found it. I just showered love on everything and everyone... and that was all I could do and I got love back in return.
So it was an emotional day. Not easy... but tomorrow will be so much different! OMG the liver cleanse!
I'll keep you posted!
xx
PS... it's STILL raining!