I just didn't realize until recently how my blogs affected people. I started many years ago pouring out my emotions when I suppose I needed to vent when I was in a situation where I wasn't happy. It became a place for me to share with you my world. I honestly didn't think that anyone would take notice or read them. Of course there were comments but I really didn't spend much time thinking about it… it was more for me.
Everyone realized when I was going through a tough time because I stopped blogging for a while, but I always returned back. My best friend always jokes and says "chick, you're like the terminator… you'll always be back". So I continued to blog and share my thoughts and feelings. Like I said, it's only recently that I have realized the impact that my openness has had and how it's helped others through through their own time of need. They have realized that we are all human and we are all living a life and we all have 'stuff' to deal with. That stuff is never easy. However, it's how we decide that we are going to deal with it. You can either deal with it with drama or you can glide through it, working things out as you go along. Everyone is different.
I've had my own 'stuff' and I realize that I have been going through stages of grief. Grief is not just something that you go through when someone passes away. When someone leaves your life and there is an emotional tie between you, and a soul connection, the grief also happens. I was talking it through with my therapist and often when this happens the grief is worse, because that person is still alive but you can't reach them or do anything about it. I know what it's like to lose someone incredibly close to you through death and so that grief is, for me personally easier to deal with, because that person has left to move on to the 'other side'. Like I said its a personal thing for me, and not everyone will agree with it.
So the stages of grief have been there, and I am sure that many of you have experienced this, even years after a parting or a passing of a loved one. You can be fine one minute and then suddenly a song will come on and you will find your self crying, or you will drive past a place that hold memories for you. There are many things that can set us off. I know it's happened for me very recently. I was going about my day, and in a really happy place, and then suddenly a thought crossed my mind, a song came on in the car, and I found myself crying, so much so I had to pull over.
There is nothing wrong in experiencing this grief… nothing at all. The problem is, we tell ourselves that we shouldn't be feeling like this, our friends will question why we are having these emotions. Our family want us to move on and be happy… every one has an opinion… but no one is in your shoes… no one is going through the emotions. It's in those quiet moments that these things can and will easily crop up.
I've also been, without wanting too, addressing issues and situations that came up in past relationships over the space of 10 years. I have seen a pattern, a very distinct pattern… and while I have had my grief, I have realized that there have been issues that I haven't dealt with… and this is because I have just 'moved on' not always to a new relationship, but just moved on and swept things under the carpet… Well us English have been bought up to have a 'stiff upper lip' and we do these things, but you can't… you have to deal with it. Often we listen to our friends who tell us to move on, they are not worth your tears, look how much you have changed, look at what you can do… etc etc etc, but sometimes all you need is someone to listen. Someone to understand what you are going through… someone who is not going to tell you not to cry, someone who is going to tell you that it's ok.
So I am going to tell you… it's okay to still grieve for someone after several years, it's okay to miss the quirky little habits that someone has, it's okay to miss the smell of someone, it's okay to miss the touch, it's okay to miss the hugs at night… all of this is perfectly okay! You have to grieve to allow the void that is hollow to fill… because it will fill up, it will fill with love for them. The more that you embrace your feelings the more that that void will fill up.
Love can change everything. You may hate that they have gone, you may hate that they hurt you, you may hate that they never said goodbye, you may hate that they took their own life… that's fine, but that emotion will soon turn to love… because the opposite of hate is love… You can't stay in that space. Your emotions naturally won't let you… you will suddenly find that the void is now love.
That love will grow and while that person or people are not in your life you will still have love for them, you will still hold them dear to your heart. You will still be connected to them. You will be connected by your soul. You can be at bitter odds with someone, banging your head against a brick wall and doing things because of principle and that you feel you deserve it… but still have love for them.
When you have these emotions that are so strong, they are called soul connections. Those connections cannot be broken, they are predestined situations and relationships that had to happen for a reason. They were there to teach you and help you grow as a spiritual being. You will always be connected to them, but in this life, you may not have to repeat a life with them that you could have had before, you don't have to be in the relationship with them. You will always know when they are thinking about you, because they will pop into your mind when you least expect it… and that is because you are connected. What you will find is that from your experiences you will natural help others.
Think about it, how many times have you experienced a situation that has been incredibly hard only to find that you meet someone who is going through a similar situation and your advice can help them?
So we have to allow ourselves to deal with things, and relax and not force our emotions to be hidden. Let me share with you something that has happened to me. Charlie's father Simon… I was seriously at a low point in my life when that breakup happened… but I dealt with it. I went to a therapist and I dealt with my emotions. I was living in England at the time, and trust me when I say… 'we don't do that' but I did. And having my sessions with Nigel the therapist (funny how a name sticks) helped me understand me and the situation. And years later I have a great relationship with Simon for the sake of Charlie. I have an amazing relationship with Simon's mother, but this is because I dealt with my issues with it and I have a voice and I am heard in this situation. Now don't get me wrong, of course there are things that are going to crop up and I get upset about, and vice versa, but I believe it's because I dealt with it, I learnt to have a voice and express myself and thats why now it's easy.
So when things come up deal with them. I do… I cry, jeez do I cry. I allow my grief to come out… and when I think I'm ok and have had a good week… the tears flow again. I realize I'm not just crying for one situation, I'm crying for several… and it's okay. There are several stages of grief and we have to allow ourselves to go through it… it's healthy, it's important and it's needed for our souls to move forward.
So look after you… do what you need to do to get through times like this, but just know that these times WILL pass… there will be moments when they will surface, but when then do… allow them to come up. Deal with them, it will make your soul healthy and ready for the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.
I'm really excited that this is my first blog on my new site… I hope you like this space. Members, please bear with me, I am at the mercy of a web designer for your site, but it will change slowly… but I'm very proud of this, it just symbolizes many changes for me… and it's time to have fun!
With love
Lisa xx