Surrender
It's only been recently that I have really understood the word and the meaning behind the word surrender…
It really wasn't part of my vocabulary, or lets face it, it wasn't something that I liked to admit I did… But I totally surrendered into love and I think that is why things over the last 6 months have been so difficult… I surrendered… For someone who likes control, I realized that surrendering into everything and allowing myself to let go was a huge lesson for me. I surrendered in to everything that was given to me and I have to say it was incredible. Absolutely incredible, and I learnt so much. I learnt about who I was, what I needed, I learnt how to love, I learnt how to be… I didn't want to analyze things but when you go through a transition of change you naturally do it. You analyze everything, who you are, what you want to be, where you want to go even how you are going to get there.
But I realized that as much as I didn't want to admit I surrendered, I now realize I did… and I do it with many things. I always thought I was a control freak, and yes I am to a degree with certain things. I have labels labels, I have lists for lists… seriously if you come into my home and go into my bathroom you will see everything has a label and everything has a place… some would call it organized, others would call it freakishly controlling. It's just who I am. I know how I want things done when it comes to my business, and I control all of it… I like to know that it's running… I check my bank account daily because I like to have control over the money I have, only because I have had the debt collectors at my door before. I control how my work is, and the reading that I am giving… So when it comes to some things I am in control.
That control comes out of my fears, I have many fears and I am not afraid to admit them, and one of them is losing Charlie, and also everything that I have worked so hard to gain, the other is being violated and the other is not being believed. And in many ways these control me. So I have to learn to surrender to them. These fears control me daily… and I mean EVERY day… it consumes me, every single night when the sun goes down and the lights go on… It starts… I don't think about it, and I never think about it, it's just there… like the under current of the calm ocean that looks so peaceful. The lights go off, and the stillness of the night hits, and the fear that I have fought so hard to push away comes along… it comes along and I start to take control of it… I stay awake… until the very early hours of the morning. I stay up, fighting sleep thinking that something could happen in those hours and I am so vulnerable and that I will wake up to find that my home has been emptied, I have been abused… I have been violated in some way.
This has been happening since I was a child, I would hide under the covers scared because of the spirits and that they would do bad things to me, but I was never believed and so it was a vicious circle. The spirits would come at night and they would talk to me and so I stayed awake as much as I could so I didn't have to deal with them invading my dreams… finally I fell asleep, but I never laid my head down to sleep, I fought it, must like I do now.
So why I am I telling you this? Well it's part of my healing… part of the process… Admitting that that is the problem. When I have someone to sleep with, as in a partner, like I had up until recently, I would sleep… because I knew that someone else was there to look after me, but now alone, I don't and so it's time to face my fears.
My fear of not being believed, stems from the revelation that I discovered last year in Peru, that I had a situation that I was not believed in and those memories are coming clearer and clearer and through some exercises that I am doing I see it… it wasn't anyone fault. I was young. Also my gift, I wasn't believed as a child, I spoke to people about seeing dead people, and these dead people scared me. I would hide under the covers. I wasn't believed my truth wasn't heard. So that is when throughout childhood I started to lie… well people didn't believe me so I might as well lie… and so I did… I became a compulsive liar until I was probably in my early twenties… until I started to see the real me… I lied about my sexuality, I lied about jobs, I lied about what I was doing and where I was going, because I had conditioned myself to do it.
There was a turning point, and it was when I met Charlie's father, Simon… we had a moment where we were being 'honest' with each other we had a situation that he didn't believe that Charlie was his… I fought to be heard… I fought for my truth to be taken seriously… I wanted to set an example for the unborn child I was carrying and that was when I decided no more. I found freedom in my truth. It wasn't easy, because I was always going to be questioned… but I became truthful however my ways slipped again when I was in a long term relationship and I had to lie to find the freedom that I needed… It was horrible, so when I left that relationship, I vowed no more, and so for the last 4 years I have been truthful… so it hurts, so deep… it cuts like a knife when I am not believed. To call me a liar is probably the worst thing that anyone could do. To threaten to take my son away is something that is unforgivable, etc etc… So these are all my fears.
And they are things that I am working on… Oh and am I working on them, I am facing them in so many ways… and I am surrendering to them. Surrender… that word… and you know… it feels good to surrender into the fear and to acknowledge them.
I also have an very strange fear of peas, and I was faced with that over the weekend in Lily Dale when my sandwich at lunch time came with pasta, that had peas in it, and I didn't freak out, I actually sat and stared at them, as I am facing these fears and this is one of them.
So back to surrendering… as I surrender into my fears, I realized that I have been doing it all along. I didn't think I knew how to surrender, but I do… I have done it for years… and I finally understood it, or really embraced it in Lily Dale… I surrender every day to Spirit, to the work that I do… I can't control the way that a reading goes, I can't do it, I am totally at the mercy of Spirit and so I taught my students to Surrender to spirit and the messages. I surrender to the universe and the pathway that I am on… I surrender to the moment and live in it… embrace it totally… and I have changed as a person… I am grateful!
I realized that I loved in my last relationship so fully and incredibly because I surrendered to my sexuality and also to my fears… It was just a place of surrendering.
And that surrendering that I have done has taught me lessons… yes some of them have been hard lessons and some of them have been amazing… but every one of them is a gift. It's a gift of facing my fear and surrendering and loving… loving myself. I sat at the Inspirational Stump where many incredible mediums have worked over years and years and opened my heart and surrendered to everything, my biggest fears, of not being loved, of not being believed, of being violated… everything that I feared… I surrendered…and I was grateful… So grateful.
I thanked spirit for showing me the guiding light and showing me the pathway of learning and through the tears that streamed down my cheeks I found the release that I needed. The letting go of the control… I realized that I couldn't do it, I couldn't have these things control me. So what if someone doesn't want to believe me… they are missing out on my truth. So what if someone takes everything, they must need it more than me. So what if I am broken into, things can be replaced, So what if someone wants to stoop so low to threaten to take Charlie, because that will never happen.
It was amazing. I had an aura brush down by a student of mine, Melody and that night, I slept… I felt so good… It was incredible. I laid my head on the pillow of a room that is known to be haunted and I faced my fear and drifted off to sleep, without the aid of melatonin, music, computer and anything else that normally I would use to escape my fear… I faced it head on… and how amazing it was.
Now I don't profess to be healed completely, but I will tell you, it was easy, because I allowed myself to do it… and it was easy. So easy. I was alone, another fear, I was in a haunted room, another fear (ironic I know) I even slept with the door unlocked It was amazing.
So what I have learnt from this is it's how we face it, and whether we want it in our life and whether we are going to allow it to consume us and control us… Or are we going to kick the habit and surrender into it, and accept that its there… for me it's something I have done.
So if this sounds like you, take time to face those fears, take time to acknowledge that you have them, because trust me we all do… and allow yourself to let go and surrender… knowing that no matter what, you will be okay. It's going to be fine.
I am ready to face the fear of peas too… yes… I have thought about it, and I am ready to face this… and when I do… EVERYONE will know about it!!!
Sending love to you all
Lisa xx
57 Comments → Email Article Share Article → Print Article Posted on Sunday, July 29, 2012 at 09:58PM 
Reader Comments (57)
I have been battling a situation of truth in my own life lately. We all have to believe and stand up for ourselves and the ones we love. There will always be someone to put you down because of their own fears. To live in denial and fear is no way to live. I think you are more real than most people could hope for. I believe in you. ;-) Keep going!
Hi Lisa,
I'm a new member but I'm following you since a few years now. Just like you I was afraid of loosing one of my sons. It did happen, on November 14, 2010, I lost my older son Sebastien. He was only 25 years old. Now, my younger son is 25 also and I'm soo afraid of loosing him. I lost a lot of persons that were important to me. My husband and I seperated in March 2012 after 28 years of marriage. My biggest fear now is loosing myself in all that. I'm working very hard to find my place and to learn the lessons that life is giving me.
Keep doing your great work Lisa. You inspired me and give me hope that life will get better. See you in Montreal in September.
Lisa, thank you for sharing. I think your post has helped me to embrace my fears and cast them out into the universe. I, for some strange reason, woke up this morning with a complete lack of faith in myself as a writer. Where does that come from? You can be going along, receive a great review...and bam! The confidence just leaves you and these ugly, nasty, negative thoughts creep into my psyche...and fear begins to slither around my mind.
But after reading this, I took a deep breath, told myself "I am a great writer", and never looked back. I'm moving on!
Again, thank you, Robin
Surrender yes yes yes !!! I have to tell you the same thing happened to me last year in Lily Dale. That is why I wanted so bad to be with you this year but ,the higher powers knew better I needed to be here for my sister who tried to take her own life by taking a fist full of pills. Thank God her best friend stopped her and brought her to me for love and care.This is a very special place with special powers. Next year God willing I want to get her there. I am so happy for you Lisa! You are the real deal. May God and all the higher powers always watch over you and your son Charlie and always suround you with White Light. I look at my Lisa Williams signed book by you daily ,and keep you in my prayers nightly..God bless.
Julie Kiss
This blog touched me so deeply for many reasons. 1st because I have had to watch as many of your fears were triggered recently and as your friend it broke my heart but I knew you would come out stronger and wiser. I also love this blog because I relate to fear of almost everything you addressed but I too am learning to surrender and trust. Thank you for having the courage to post this and tthrough your example teaching me so much! I love you and my heart is jumping for joy for your new found freedom!!
Loving you! xoxox
Wow!!! Lisa, I know that had to be hard to share with friends, family and even strangers, but how courageous it was! I sat here and cried for you, with you. We all have fears that we have to face, even the ones that we think we are ignoring. Your strength, your love and your heart shine through so much in these blogs. I have gotten the pleasure of a reading from you, from my son, but, an even bigger pleasure was to meet you in person, at the end of your class you were teaching, and receiving one of those famous "Lisa hugs". I know why they are famous.....your sencerity comes through them, just like it does in these blogs. I am so glad that you are finding yourself, and that you are finding the strength to face your fears.....fears that have been life-long. My prayers are with you, as you journey and learn more about yourself and start to trust your heart so openly. You truly are a special lady. Wishing you all the best! God bless you!!!
Cheryl
Thank you Lisa for sharing your fears..my big one that is holding me back is platforming and looking ridiculous in public. I'm hoping to overcome that really soon. Lots of love. Kerry/xxx
Hi Lisa, I've been on hols so haven't read your blogs for a while and it's so lovely to catch up on them! Amazing new website, and you are looking more beautiful then ever! Thank you as always for the inspiration :-) Take care XxX
Beautiful & honest blog, Lisa! Thank you so much for sharing....this is a healing topic for all of us. xxoo
Dear Lisa, once again thank you for your openness and honesty about your life's journey and more importantly about
your human fears and struggles.I felt very sad when I read about your fears and insecurities around safety and fear of
loss.We all know the impact that our past can have on our present, yet we do not have to allow our past to define our
present. I am very happy that you are in the process of freeing yourself of these influences and coming in to the
freedom and perfection of the beautiful person that you are. You are so precious and special !!!Love always xx Joan
I couldn't even imagine carrying all that you have on your plate. Just "being" day to day is very full for me. Your fear of peas did make me smile because my son just sent me a beautiful pic of some he picked from his garden. They look like a full audience of round headed people. It was a very cool pic that reminded me of the rounded "full circle" thing that you were speaking of earlier. I would love to share the pic if I only knew where to upload. You may find that the humor of the pic can override the fear with a smile.
Blessings
bonjour,lisa j adore se que tu fait et j ai acheter ton livre l ame est éternelle sa ma appris beaucoup de chose sur la mort et a comprendre le déces de mon pere j ai des rencontres de mon pere et d autre personne décédé aussi depuis que je suis toute petite merci!kathy ducap
I know you meditate, but next time you do- go really deep and ask for peace of mind before you start. One time when I was stressed I used the intention to relax That was all I wanted. I received the surprise of my life. An angel came through while I was meditating and touched my cheek and a current of love and protection soared through my body.
I was touched three times and the same current went through my body and the angel let me know that I was protected and there was a plan for me. When I came out of the meditation I was a different person. I felt light and happy and full of love to share. All worries were gone. A nun told me that the three times was the trinity and it was a message from god. Give your worries to the angels Lisa, they may surprise you:) May all your worries dissolve.
Blessings, Annette
My Dearest Lisa,
My heart goes out to you. It takes a strong woman to allow others to see her in its most her vulnerable state. You are teaching so many, so much about love, loss and life. I feel blessed to have crossed paths with you in this lifetime. Keep loving and healing yourself. Live light...xxx
Dear Lisa, I only discovered you on the internet about 3 weeks ago. I am always searching information about the spiritual side because I had an experience where an angel came to me when my son was born. I have also watched your readings on the youtube and I love it. There is no greater wish than to meet you some day. We are living in Malta at the moment but are going back to South Africa within the next few weeks. I have SOOOOO many questions that I need to ask you and would really love to find out how I can get in touch with you. Stop worrying about all your fears because you are a great person with a open, loving heart and I will never believe that anyone could NOT believe your readings. God bless you. Elvira
I could so relate to this blog post.. my biggest issue is also with being believed.. fortunately I never resorted for lying .. but boy did I take a beating for being truthful and not believed.. in more ways than one. It does hurt me to my very core not to be believed. It has now come to the point of.. ok don't believe me.. yu may or may not find out soon enough that what I said was the truth all along.. it doesn't really take the hurt away "yet" my issue with this started with my father so therefore I end up having trouble trusting men or more like hoping men will believe me when I am being truthful. I guess giving up on that is sort of like surrendering (yeah sort of a control freak here to a degree) but there is nothing I can do about another persons behaviour, whether they are going to belive me or not .. it would be in their best interest if they did.. but it is their path and if they fall into the pit I warned about.. well then, it was by their choice and not mine.
Thank YOU so much for sharing Lisa xo
Rebecca
Wow, Lisa. This is a vulnerable and powerful blog - so ironic all around. And surrender is, too - it's such a strange problem to have the fears we have. I just know that must be a big part of why we do this physical experience and yet, the fears dissolve, too; they just vanish. In other words, I bet one day you will eat those peas and know that there was nothing to be afraid of at all! Love you.
Dear Lisa,
Your openess is what alsways msde me feel that you could help me.. My fears and surmounting Tears, were about all I could take.
You have changed my life in so many ways that it always brings a wave of emtion WHENEVER I think of you...
I too am woring on surrendering more, It does not all happen at once, tor me anyway.
Sending you much love,
Terry
This is probably the most moving blog of Lisa's I've read to date. Thank you Lisa for your honesty. I respect you even more than I had before and that's saying something. Oh, and I like your new site. I've been a fan for years, a paying "member" when I could afford it, and I even did your first online course, even though I couldn't really afford it. I'm a 56 year old gramma and I think you are the cat's pajamas.
dear lisa im so proud of you being the way you are so down to earth just a fun loving girl whose heart is in the right place you are not afraid to let us know your true feelings its a pleasure each and everytime to read yours blogs as they help us with our own feelings and upset we face in everyday life which is not easy to deal with at times but your blogs always are spot on with the answer we are looking for to help us see things more clearly and makes us strong bless you so much your worth your weight in gold love love joannexxx
in 2011 I cam out after 39 years. I told my kids, who were teenagers, my parents. It was a difficult process. I even had a tattoo put on my wrist that says "truth"..because I lived without it for so long, and fear has always held me back. Here is something I wrote about it.
'How do I dare
to tell you
What is in my heart
the dark shadowed places
that need to become light
The truth hurts so much
and yet releases me from my pain'
And it has... There are always things to overcome. There are so many unforeseen unexpected rocks in the road that comes our way they are jagged, and you find yourself barefoot, but your soul knows you have to keep walking...and it sucks. I could stand in the road, curse the rocks, and throw a hissy fit. Or I can face them, and painstakingly move them one by one so that I can keep going. I usually do both.
I have a quote on my desk, as I have been having to move enough rocks to fill the Grand Canyon. It says " The greatest battle is not physical, but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must be answered by the quiet, the steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going"
Take care of you.
~Heidi
J
Hi Lisa,
Peas- are horrible little trolls and I don't like them either! hahahaha. I have had the occasional few fed to me by mistake though, and this is how we battle our fears I believe... through exposure! You are a beautiful person- and thank you for sharing! Love you heaps xxxx
Lisa,
You go girl.
I learned my lesson sometime ago about not being believed but I said what I had to say and did what I had to do anyway because I have faith in the truth and I know that the truth is the answer to everything. I'm still waiting to be believe but in the meantime, I don't care what anyone thinks in the negative about me because I know what the truth is, and when all is said and done, isn't that all that really matters? Yes, it is. I'm thinking the learning to overcome the obstacle of fearing not being believed simply is your first step on the next rung of the spiral of your spiritual journey and you are on your way up.
Peas? LOL! :)
Best to you,
whereabouts
I know exactly how you feel when you are not believed in. It is a horrible thing for people not to understand what you are saying. Maybe this is part of what's goingon these days. But know that you have plently of people who believe in you. And thanks for Merv Griffin, remember, that he believed in you and brought you to us and you always have Ben and your Grandma to help you regain your strenght and belief. Love to you and plently of sunshine in your days to come.
I keep emailaing Lifetime for them to do another show, even if it's following you on tour. I'm sure Charlie is getting big and he was always a joy to see on your shows. He reminds me of my grandson. Plus I miss being amazed by your gifts. I hope they come up with another show for the US. I believe in you Lisa, I wish more people would believe in me too.