No matter what... it's okay!
I just didn't realize until recently how my blogs affected people. I started many years ago pouring out my emotions when I suppose I needed to vent when I was in a situation where I wasn't happy. It became a place for me to share with you my world. I honestly didn't think that anyone would take notice or read them. Of course there were comments but I really didn't spend much time thinking about it… it was more for me.
Everyone realized when I was going through a tough time because I stopped blogging for a while, but I always returned back. My best friend always jokes and says "chick, you're like the terminator… you'll always be back". So I continued to blog and share my thoughts and feelings. Like I said, it's only recently that I have realized the impact that my openness has had and how it's helped others through through their own time of need. They have realized that we are all human and we are all living a life and we all have 'stuff' to deal with. That stuff is never easy. However, it's how we decide that we are going to deal with it. You can either deal with it with drama or you can glide through it, working things out as you go along. Everyone is different.
I've had my own 'stuff' and I realize that I have been going through stages of grief. Grief is not just something that you go through when someone passes away. When someone leaves your life and there is an emotional tie between you, and a soul connection, the grief also happens. I was talking it through with my therapist and often when this happens the grief is worse, because that person is still alive but you can't reach them or do anything about it. I know what it's like to lose someone incredibly close to you through death and so that grief is, for me personally easier to deal with, because that person has left to move on to the 'other side'. Like I said its a personal thing for me, and not everyone will agree with it.
So the stages of grief have been there, and I am sure that many of you have experienced this, even years after a parting or a passing of a loved one. You can be fine one minute and then suddenly a song will come on and you will find your self crying, or you will drive past a place that hold memories for you. There are many things that can set us off. I know it's happened for me very recently. I was going about my day, and in a really happy place, and then suddenly a thought crossed my mind, a song came on in the car, and I found myself crying, so much so I had to pull over.
There is nothing wrong in experiencing this grief… nothing at all. The problem is, we tell ourselves that we shouldn't be feeling like this, our friends will question why we are having these emotions. Our family want us to move on and be happy… every one has an opinion… but no one is in your shoes… no one is going through the emotions. It's in those quiet moments that these things can and will easily crop up.
I've also been, without wanting too, addressing issues and situations that came up in past relationships over the space of 10 years. I have seen a pattern, a very distinct pattern… and while I have had my grief, I have realized that there have been issues that I haven't dealt with… and this is because I have just 'moved on' not always to a new relationship, but just moved on and swept things under the carpet… Well us English have been bought up to have a 'stiff upper lip' and we do these things, but you can't… you have to deal with it. Often we listen to our friends who tell us to move on, they are not worth your tears, look how much you have changed, look at what you can do… etc etc etc, but sometimes all you need is someone to listen. Someone to understand what you are going through… someone who is not going to tell you not to cry, someone who is going to tell you that it's ok.
So I am going to tell you… it's okay to still grieve for someone after several years, it's okay to miss the quirky little habits that someone has, it's okay to miss the smell of someone, it's okay to miss the touch, it's okay to miss the hugs at night… all of this is perfectly okay! You have to grieve to allow the void that is hollow to fill… because it will fill up, it will fill with love for them. The more that you embrace your feelings the more that that void will fill up.
Love can change everything. You may hate that they have gone, you may hate that they hurt you, you may hate that they never said goodbye, you may hate that they took their own life… that's fine, but that emotion will soon turn to love… because the opposite of hate is love… You can't stay in that space. Your emotions naturally won't let you… you will suddenly find that the void is now love.
That love will grow and while that person or people are not in your life you will still have love for them, you will still hold them dear to your heart. You will still be connected to them. You will be connected by your soul. You can be at bitter odds with someone, banging your head against a brick wall and doing things because of principle and that you feel you deserve it… but still have love for them.
When you have these emotions that are so strong, they are called soul connections. Those connections cannot be broken, they are predestined situations and relationships that had to happen for a reason. They were there to teach you and help you grow as a spiritual being. You will always be connected to them, but in this life, you may not have to repeat a life with them that you could have had before, you don't have to be in the relationship with them. You will always know when they are thinking about you, because they will pop into your mind when you least expect it… and that is because you are connected. What you will find is that from your experiences you will natural help others.
Think about it, how many times have you experienced a situation that has been incredibly hard only to find that you meet someone who is going through a similar situation and your advice can help them?
So we have to allow ourselves to deal with things, and relax and not force our emotions to be hidden. Let me share with you something that has happened to me. Charlie's father Simon… I was seriously at a low point in my life when that breakup happened… but I dealt with it. I went to a therapist and I dealt with my emotions. I was living in England at the time, and trust me when I say… 'we don't do that' but I did. And having my sessions with Nigel the therapist (funny how a name sticks) helped me understand me and the situation. And years later I have a great relationship with Simon for the sake of Charlie. I have an amazing relationship with Simon's mother, but this is because I dealt with my issues with it and I have a voice and I am heard in this situation. Now don't get me wrong, of course there are things that are going to crop up and I get upset about, and vice versa, but I believe it's because I dealt with it, I learnt to have a voice and express myself and thats why now it's easy.
So when things come up deal with them. I do… I cry, jeez do I cry. I allow my grief to come out… and when I think I'm ok and have had a good week… the tears flow again. I realize I'm not just crying for one situation, I'm crying for several… and it's okay. There are several stages of grief and we have to allow ourselves to go through it… it's healthy, it's important and it's needed for our souls to move forward.
So look after you… do what you need to do to get through times like this, but just know that these times WILL pass… there will be moments when they will surface, but when then do… allow them to come up. Deal with them, it will make your soul healthy and ready for the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.
I'm really excited that this is my first blog on my new site… I hope you like this space. Members, please bear with me, I am at the mercy of a web designer for your site, but it will change slowly… but I'm very proud of this, it just symbolizes many changes for me… and it's time to have fun!
With love
Lisa xx
38 Comments → Email Article Share Article → Print Article Posted on Friday, July 20, 2012 at 05:32AM 
Reader Comments (38)
Okay..i will, hope it works?....First blog for the new site is, as always, something i can relate to, and i am sure many many people will feel the same way? Thank you Lisa!!! XXX S.S from Vic
Me, me, me, Lisa I really need a reading.
So much of your post resonates with me, personally. You're so good at doing that, Lisa. The Web site looks fantastic -- hard work, but well worth the effort!
Thanks for this post... I've often wondered if other people grieve over people who are no longer in their lives, yet still here.... just not in their life anymore. I know that this kind of grief is almost worse than losing someone to death, at least then you know they aren't here and there's a good reason they're not in your life. When they disappear out of your life, but you know they are still here- within the sound of your voice, but unable or unwilling to hear you... that hurts. Thanks for sharing this blog - it reassures me I'm not the only one who has lost those I love, and they still walk among the living....
MANY MANY CONGRATS LISA XX Riana from UK here, cor I had so many putter issues between Stream and BTR kept trying but kept getting booted off x so was unable to say TY for the GIFT YOU xx and so hope I can make it when u visit uk xx shall have to check ya dates out !! hope ya visit Somerset x that wud be so so kool xx Heapy thanks and many congrats once again xxx Namaste xxxx
Congratulations on the new site and the new chapter, Lisa. Glad you're healing......I'm on my way too. Wake up in the morning with my profound Gratitudes. And when I do slip into a Pity Party, walking down the streets it doesn't take long to be reminded how good my life is. Thank you, Lisa, for being a treasure in it. Yes, you are a great teacher. Elaine P.
what can i say lisa your simple the best i would love to have a reading with you it would mean so much to me and more if that was to come true love the web site and love you too xxxx
Hi Lisa i am so glade you back. i loved reading your new blog, I can relate to what you been going though. it been 7 yr that my partner left me for some one els and i still have moments.
thank you now i don't feel as bad knowing i am not the only one who is still going though this 7 yr later.
lisa if you read this can you answer one question for me will i go to hell for being a lasbain?
love to you and charlie
Well done, Girlie! xoxox MomMom & Bella
Lisa, I love the new pictures of you. Although you are going through some changes in your personal life, you look great. I love the longer hair. It makes you look younger. Your face is really radiant. I really enjoy reading your blogs. They are so honest and personal. You always seem to hit a nerve for me. Please don't stop sharing your feelings. It makes me feel like I'm not alone, especially when I'm feeling emotional and try to talk myself out of it and tell myself to "grow up"
Thank you Lisa for keeping it real and sharing your feelings with everyone. I lost my brother last Oct. we were only 11 months apart in age. Since losing him there have been times that I feel so alone. I have a great husband and friends and shouldn't feel this way. But so many things have changed for me the last 9 months. I try so hard to stay strong and put on a happy face but sometimes it's so hard. I got to see you a couple of years ago in Glenside Pa. I hope you return soon.
Thanks Lisa, As you i have delt with my pain and released it,not alway was i able to release,but thanks to you through out my years of knowing you and reading your blogs you have helped me so,,,,so Thank You Lisa Williams for being a true friend to me and everyone else on here. Love you Girl.
I deal with this one often and sometimes feel like a blank page. It is good to see how others deal I don't think I ever got over the first loss when another came along. Then another then another then another then another. It all happened to fast for my heart along with my crazy love choices I'm now stuck on numb half the time and I hold it it till I cant but I find it hard to cry.its like having a broken heart that don't know how to heal.People around me see me as happy go lucky goof ball but have no real ideah wwhats really in my head.I wasnt a perfect young adult so i fear readings thinking I'm gonna hear them say you let me down when.. But i love every one I lost no matter what but I lost the ones i ran to my safe place and now I have to make my own safe place and its not the same .But I have made the choice to do what I think they would want me to do hold my head high and try to make a life for myself being responsiable and working hard even though sometime I get tired of trying to be strong.sorry for the grammer
I really needed to read that. To be honest, it has been a little while since I have read your blog, but clearly the Universe wanted me to tonight - and for good reasons. I am having a hard time with my recovery and wondering what I need to do. I keep wondering if what is happening is just par for the course or if I need to speak out for additional help. I am trying to make good decisions, but sometimes I just don't have it in me to fight as hard. Tonight I am going to call someone who will probably be helpful though. And your blog was also helpful. Thank you.
Thanks again Lisa for a very poignant and heartfelt message.
I know youre not writing these blogs just for my own personal issues, but it sure does feel like it sometimes! This particular blog hit me like a brick on a few key points for me:
Love yourself and follow your heart.
There are lessons, they are held within the hands of happy and meaningful times and also in chaotic and sometimes saddening situations.
I have been personally battling health issues, and trying to grow a mediumship practice with private and group readings and the like. But feel so stuck in this crazy circle of what other people think my priorities should be.
It would be so easy for me to just shut out the "lessons" aspect and pretend they didn't exist, but I'm realizing that wouldn't be a wise because these experiences that I am having are actually pieces of information that mirror many of my clients and it's all pertinent to their reading, and to both of our paths to healing.
I'm thankful to you for this blog because it made me feel better. Just knowing that I'm on the right track helps! So. Thank you for sharing your life with so many. There's a lot of healing in your words!
You should be very proud my friend xx
True,true!/
believe in love, and u can see the univers! :)
Peace GM
Hi Lisa, Again what a beautiful song, the words were just right. I am like you crying a lot, and you do feel better after. I love my music too and know that it gets me through. I read all of your blogs, and yes i find myself thinking of your words at times when i am really low, and they do help me. You are doing great Lisa, it will take a while for you to get over the hurt, but you will. When you wrote about a piece of music reminding you of someone, or just a thought coming into your head, i could relate to that, it happens every day. I wont stop listening to my music, and i wont stop reading your blogs, they are just the medicine i need to get by. Keep doing what you are doing, because it does help people. Lots of love. Jem xxx
If we are of the nature we too easily pass off our own grief and take comfort in helping other's. There will always be ones in need, others who need direction, yet until we take the necessary time to deal with our own, we will not move past it and it will only serve to hunt us in our alone moments. You are right about the English "stiff upper lip". When my Dad passed all objects of memory were removed from the house as if he never existed. This was the English way of dealing with death, put it in a cupboard. It is also the English way of dealing with life and pain in general. As a child it only confused me and made me retreat into my shell. I could never speak of my Father again, even happy memories were 'banned'. But I had my way's. ;) It's how we are taught and it's not healthy for our physical being, nor our soul. As you know, spirit has a way of making us aware of our own, perhaps even more so. You are breaking the mould and you are leading by example. This example is being human, showing us that you too have sad day's, and happy. Lots of love to you. xoxoxox
I love you. I am like you in terms of grieving the living. I had two people dear to me I had to say goodbye to. The words you describe are so true to my experience too, amazing. I cried in the middle of everything! Thank you for sharing.. if I heard these words while I was going through it myself I'd have felt so much better. You are a beautiful soul & I'm so blessed to know you. I think the best thing about you is who you are Lisa. It truly is. Huge big hugs.. may life bring you everything your heart desires.
Hi. Lisa. I am very very sorry about your hurt and loss.
I have too, lost somebody very close. We separated, it was violent and hurtful and there was alot of issues. He passed away four years ago. tragically.
I am at peace, now. I wish he didnt die.
I watch your programmes all the time. hoping to find a message to connect with my Ex-husband.
Lots of Love to you and Charlie. I hope you find happiness,love and laughter all over again. The Blog was exactly what i needed.
No matter where we come from, it feels the same.. Thanks for your honnesty
and you wrote damn well...!
Well done, Panda. Another lovely honest blog. It puts me in mind of a teacher I had DECADES ago. She was my psych nursing instructor back in the seventies. She was a colorful character who would, in full nursing whites with cap ( it WAS the seventies) roll her own cigarettes and smoke them in class. Sometimes it was tobacco, Sometimes we wondered.
Anyway, one day whilst we were learning about depression, she rolled a cigarette of something, flakes of plant material all down her lap, and as she licked the paper to seal the.. er... cigarette, she said "if you don't mourn for it when it happens, believe me you will mourn for it later". I think she was paraphrasing Jung or someone. Regardless, that was a huge breakthrough for me and I still remember it as I too - don't we all - tend to push things under that carpet. We DO have to honor our experiences, the good and the stuff we don't understand yet. I'm so happy you are willing to share your journey with so many. It is validating to people. We take comfort in hearing others go through the same struggles, even someone as celebrated and talented and able as yourself.
Brava!
Congrats on the new site!! And, as always, a spot-on blog post. I can completely identify with everything you've written, and agree, that it DOES get better as long as you allow it to get better. Life is too short for wallowing and drama. The past is the past is there isn't anything that we can do to change it, so figure out what went wrong, learn the lessons and move forward! We are ALL stronger than we think we are :o)
Love the new site - really enjoyed the launch party too. All the best to you Lisa and your words of wisdom are helping me deal with the loss of my wonderful boyfriend -- thank you so much.