No matter what... it's okay!
I just didn't realize until recently how my blogs affected people. I started many years ago pouring out my emotions when I suppose I needed to vent when I was in a situation where I wasn't happy. It became a place for me to share with you my world. I honestly didn't think that anyone would take notice or read them. Of course there were comments but I really didn't spend much time thinking about it… it was more for me.
Everyone realized when I was going through a tough time because I stopped blogging for a while, but I always returned back. My best friend always jokes and says "chick, you're like the terminator… you'll always be back". So I continued to blog and share my thoughts and feelings. Like I said, it's only recently that I have realized the impact that my openness has had and how it's helped others through through their own time of need. They have realized that we are all human and we are all living a life and we all have 'stuff' to deal with. That stuff is never easy. However, it's how we decide that we are going to deal with it. You can either deal with it with drama or you can glide through it, working things out as you go along. Everyone is different.
I've had my own 'stuff' and I realize that I have been going through stages of grief. Grief is not just something that you go through when someone passes away. When someone leaves your life and there is an emotional tie between you, and a soul connection, the grief also happens. I was talking it through with my therapist and often when this happens the grief is worse, because that person is still alive but you can't reach them or do anything about it. I know what it's like to lose someone incredibly close to you through death and so that grief is, for me personally easier to deal with, because that person has left to move on to the 'other side'. Like I said its a personal thing for me, and not everyone will agree with it.
So the stages of grief have been there, and I am sure that many of you have experienced this, even years after a parting or a passing of a loved one. You can be fine one minute and then suddenly a song will come on and you will find your self crying, or you will drive past a place that hold memories for you. There are many things that can set us off. I know it's happened for me very recently. I was going about my day, and in a really happy place, and then suddenly a thought crossed my mind, a song came on in the car, and I found myself crying, so much so I had to pull over.
There is nothing wrong in experiencing this grief… nothing at all. The problem is, we tell ourselves that we shouldn't be feeling like this, our friends will question why we are having these emotions. Our family want us to move on and be happy… every one has an opinion… but no one is in your shoes… no one is going through the emotions. It's in those quiet moments that these things can and will easily crop up.
I've also been, without wanting too, addressing issues and situations that came up in past relationships over the space of 10 years. I have seen a pattern, a very distinct pattern… and while I have had my grief, I have realized that there have been issues that I haven't dealt with… and this is because I have just 'moved on' not always to a new relationship, but just moved on and swept things under the carpet… Well us English have been bought up to have a 'stiff upper lip' and we do these things, but you can't… you have to deal with it. Often we listen to our friends who tell us to move on, they are not worth your tears, look how much you have changed, look at what you can do… etc etc etc, but sometimes all you need is someone to listen. Someone to understand what you are going through… someone who is not going to tell you not to cry, someone who is going to tell you that it's ok.
So I am going to tell you… it's okay to still grieve for someone after several years, it's okay to miss the quirky little habits that someone has, it's okay to miss the smell of someone, it's okay to miss the touch, it's okay to miss the hugs at night… all of this is perfectly okay! You have to grieve to allow the void that is hollow to fill… because it will fill up, it will fill with love for them. The more that you embrace your feelings the more that that void will fill up.
Love can change everything. You may hate that they have gone, you may hate that they hurt you, you may hate that they never said goodbye, you may hate that they took their own life… that's fine, but that emotion will soon turn to love… because the opposite of hate is love… You can't stay in that space. Your emotions naturally won't let you… you will suddenly find that the void is now love.
That love will grow and while that person or people are not in your life you will still have love for them, you will still hold them dear to your heart. You will still be connected to them. You will be connected by your soul. You can be at bitter odds with someone, banging your head against a brick wall and doing things because of principle and that you feel you deserve it… but still have love for them.
When you have these emotions that are so strong, they are called soul connections. Those connections cannot be broken, they are predestined situations and relationships that had to happen for a reason. They were there to teach you and help you grow as a spiritual being. You will always be connected to them, but in this life, you may not have to repeat a life with them that you could have had before, you don't have to be in the relationship with them. You will always know when they are thinking about you, because they will pop into your mind when you least expect it… and that is because you are connected. What you will find is that from your experiences you will natural help others.
Think about it, how many times have you experienced a situation that has been incredibly hard only to find that you meet someone who is going through a similar situation and your advice can help them?
So we have to allow ourselves to deal with things, and relax and not force our emotions to be hidden. Let me share with you something that has happened to me. Charlie's father Simon… I was seriously at a low point in my life when that breakup happened… but I dealt with it. I went to a therapist and I dealt with my emotions. I was living in England at the time, and trust me when I say… 'we don't do that' but I did. And having my sessions with Nigel the therapist (funny how a name sticks) helped me understand me and the situation. And years later I have a great relationship with Simon for the sake of Charlie. I have an amazing relationship with Simon's mother, but this is because I dealt with my issues with it and I have a voice and I am heard in this situation. Now don't get me wrong, of course there are things that are going to crop up and I get upset about, and vice versa, but I believe it's because I dealt with it, I learnt to have a voice and express myself and thats why now it's easy.
So when things come up deal with them. I do… I cry, jeez do I cry. I allow my grief to come out… and when I think I'm ok and have had a good week… the tears flow again. I realize I'm not just crying for one situation, I'm crying for several… and it's okay. There are several stages of grief and we have to allow ourselves to go through it… it's healthy, it's important and it's needed for our souls to move forward.
So look after you… do what you need to do to get through times like this, but just know that these times WILL pass… there will be moments when they will surface, but when then do… allow them to come up. Deal with them, it will make your soul healthy and ready for the wonderful experiences that life has to offer.
I'm really excited that this is my first blog on my new site… I hope you like this space. Members, please bear with me, I am at the mercy of a web designer for your site, but it will change slowly… but I'm very proud of this, it just symbolizes many changes for me… and it's time to have fun!
With love
Lisa xx
38 Comments → Email Article Share Article → Print Article Posted on Friday, July 20, 2012 at 05:32AM 
Reader Comments (38)
You rock... thanks for always sharing your heart!!
HUGS, hugs and more HUGS!!!
Vic
Well said. The waters run deep. Beautiful site, I know this is special.
Oh Ms.Lisa, you look so utterly fabulous! I hope you feel as good as you look my dear sister.
Wow!! Lisa, you are getting wiser and wiser! Wonderful to see! :) And yes you are absolutely correct on what you say here. You have been through alot Lisa and you have come out the other end, good for you!
Keep up the great work Lisa!
Hugs!!
Marcel
Hi Lisa. just read your article i cab relate to it as i'm going thro simlar myself...i'll keep holding on.....
Best wishes Dorinda x (uk)
Hi Lisa. Thank you for your wisdom in your blog. Do you know how I find mediums locally. I have been at a loss for 3 years now since my husband died. Actually I had to make that heart wrenching choice of having to turn off life support. That decision has haunted me ever since. Intellect told me it was the right choice, but emotionally I question the "what if's". Lisa, how do you manage that kind of grief. How do you justify with yourself that it was without a doubt the right thing to do. I honestly need help. I still have his clothes in the closet. I cannot bring myself to remove what was his. I tried but ended up putting them in another closet. I am a fellow Britt but live in the USA. I came to see you in indianaoplis not long after he left, desperate for something but unfortunately it wasn't my turn. I truly appreciate anything you can offer.
Lisa- I spoke with you three weeks ago. My grandmother passed within the time frame you stated. This blog was perfect for me. Thank you and God Bless
WOW.... Lisa you are so strong... Even when things are difficult you have strength to carry on, that is amazing and truely inspirational! Wish I could have even a bit of the strength you have!
Love to you and Charlie <3
Angela x x x
My God Lisa, I thought that you were writing about me. Not to sound selfish, but it is exactly what I'm going thru right now. I had no idea that you were going thru a separation with Charlies father. I'm sorry, or not if it's for the best. My husband separated from me in October of this year, so all you said resonated with me. I had recently lost my mom this past April to cancer very unexpectedly, and my father has cut off all ties with me so I guess I've lost them both. The post from Susie resonated with me as I am a nurse, and we are always caring for others and leaving ourselves for last. It's so easy to put off our own pain to help others.
My birthday just passed 7/24, and it was just horrible. I miss my mother so terribly and my father never called me. I'm an only child. I have become a recluse of sorts. I eat, sleep and work. When my kids are with me it's all about them and I miss them when they are not with me. I am in trouble and lost. My mom promised me she would try to contact me when she passed and I haven't felt anything yet. I meditate, pray, talk to her. I just hope to God you come somewhere near Maryland, USA soon. Im in real crisis.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, it really does help when someone like yourself who has a spirit guide and gifts, still has human, real moments. I am a member of your site, and am looking forward to helping myself in whatever means you offer.
Lots of love,
Val xoxoxoxo
Hi I am URGENTLY trying to contact lisamcwilliams10@hotmail.com
Lisa, thank you for sharing feelings that so many of us can identify with. It is your realness and humanity that make you and your gift so special. As a lesbian, when you announced your relationship with Holly, I knew it would not last. I had a strong feeling that she was not right for you.
Take care and I am awestruck by your amazing abilities.
Lisa, I so appreciate you sharing yourself with me and others. It hurts to love and lose and even though deep down we know it's a part of our life experience and path, it's still hard to take. Love couldn't feel so good, if it didn't have the potential to feel so bad. The best way is to live in the Now, and enjoy every moment until it's no more and be thankful for the experience. I'm still trying to master this myself :-)
Such a clique I know, but everything happens for a reason; whether it's a time to focus on a much larger vision and or be freed up to find the real love of your life that's been patiently waiting for you. Anyone we have ever encountered in our lives has had a significant impact on us. Those we have loved, we will always love. as they will always be a part of us. Soul connections can never be broken. I hope that you heal soon. Don't forget to remember...that you are worth loving. Live Light, xxx
Lisa please help me i am so lost my partner commited suicide about 4 weeks before i went into early labour with our third child at 31weeks pregnant she was 4pounds 3 at that point i was so heartbroken i could not really bond with her as i gave birth around 3weeks after i buried my soul mate and father of my 3 precious babies, i loved him soooo much does he have ay messages for me and our babies
.I LOVE U MY BABY AND I DONT UNDERSTAND Y!