Day Four

Monsoon Rain woke me up at 4.30am! Wow... it was powerful.  It sounded amazing.  I lay there and listened to the rain as it pounded on my little hut, wondering if I should get up and record it because it was incredible. 

As I lay there I wondered what the day had in store for me, and then i realized it... OMG Liver Flush! I started to panic.  I didn't want to do it.  I wanted to stay in my bed and not move and just pretend today isn't happening.  I also had emotions that were surfacing... and that was it... I picked up my phone. 

A text, a lovely one (nothing bad)... but I started to blart... cry and cry and cry... again!!! haha

OMG is this what was going to happen today? I think I cried none stop for the next 3 hours... cleansing and healing.  It was as powerful as the rain that was coming from the sky.  

When I finally gathered myself together I wandered up to the social area to be greeted by a happy Robin who looked at me with a glint in his eye as if to say... 'Today is your lucky day!' Everyone just looked at me, I can never hide when I have been crying and I just said, 'yes I've been crying' and they all smiled, knowing what I was going through because they are all going through it as well. 

You don't just detox your body, you detox everything... WOW! 

So after visiting the nurse for my daily check up and falling down in the process on the wet floor, then yoga... I retreated to my room, to veg out... It's been a day of laziness and kinda getting in my head a little... but I suppose thats ok. 

Finally it brightened up and I took a walk to the beach and then I discovered they were setting up for the Full moon party... Great, I was going to be cooped up in my room with my liver cleanse while there is a party going on outside my room, and there is... 

Right this moment the full moon party is in full swing, with what sounds like bad karaoke being sang and fire crackers going off.  Loud music and people... I can hear it from my room.  Apparently its amazing to be part of but nope I can't leave my room... or lets say, I don't want to leave my room... haha

So I will imagine what is going on in the streets near Lamai beach in Koh Samui, while I cleanse my liver of all it's toxins and trying to find the mosquito that is having its juicy snack on me at night despite how much insect replent I put on. 

So I have my last drink to take in half hour and then bed... but OMG you should hear the noise outside... I'm sure its much better when you are in it... but from here... the karaoke king needs to stop now! Wheres the ear plugs when you need them. Haha... fun times!

Oh and there go the fire crackers! Who needs sleep?

Lots of love

Lisa xx

Day Three

One Word... EMOTIONAL

I woke up feel just down and with a headache I didn't want to move, I didn't want to do anything.  I just wanted to cry... but I couldn't. I couldn't even work out why I wanted to cry.  I had emotions that were surfacing and my rational brain was thinking something, my heart was feeling something else... but then I though... 'hold on it's that always the case'. 

While I was on my walk I spoke to the leader about the reasons why I was going through the detox, and I think I'm the only one there not doing it for weightloss... I'm doing it to get me back in every sense of the word.  I feel and have felt beaten up, not with anything in particular, just emotionally beaten, so now I'm taking care of me. So with that has to come the emotions that are attached. It's all a letting go process.  Something I didn't want to do... until now.  I have to do it, it's healthy to do it and it opens the pathway to other opportunities. 

After doing my yoga and a deep meditation, I realized I had grown and I was in a state of peace.  Serenity, and I just needed to allow these emotions to surface and float away.  But it was hard today... I was stuck.  Stuck thinking... 'what if?' stuck thinking 'if only' stuck thinking 'maybe if?' I was just stuck.  

Finally the tears flowed... OMG did they flow... It took several hours moping, but they started to flow.  I'm still processing. Processing the irrational behaviours, emotions, and actions that have happened in life.  The patterns that I have found myself in.  Then looking at my life as it is now and seeing patterns again forming and wondering how to stop them. Just feeling overwhelmed... with my emotions and how to process them. 

However I am also valuing and honoring the lessons that I was given that bought me to this place... the people who have had an impact, the love that I have shared... and I realized that everything is love... just everything.  It was a space that I was in just before I left on the cruise, and while I was away, but today I was struggling to find it until those tears... and I found it.  I just showered love on everything and everyone... and that was all I could do and I got love back in return. 

So it was an emotional day. Not easy... but tomorrow will be so much different! OMG the liver cleanse!

I'll keep you posted!

xx

PS... it's STILL raining!