Restoring faith in love

When I write my blog I think about it for a few days, and I sit with it for a while before I open the page and type… Today is no different… however I am going take some of what I wrote in an email and share it with you, (in italics) because I think it expresses and sums up my feelings and the last few days of my life.

It is not a secret that going through a breakup and one as intense as my last one was probably one of the hardest things I have gone through and I am still going through emotions that are attached to it… and I'm not going to harp on about it, because there comes a point where you have to stop wallowing and embrace what has been.  Find the beauty in the situation, and see it as a gift.  A gift of growth and learning and understanding.  We were a gift to each other and taught each other many things.  We hurt each other and created pain in our lives, but on the flip side we also laughed (until I pee'd many times) and loved immensely… the pain is all that we feel sometimes but the love was stronger than the pain and so I see the beauty in the relationship and the learning that came with it.  This weekend for me was pivotal, a turning point where I truly had to embrace the love that I have had in my life, the love that is in my life, and the love that I am going to receive in the rest of my life.

I spent a beautiful weekend in Northern California, with my dear friend celebrating her marriage to a man that I had never met, but I knew that she was happy and I didn't have to meet him to know that she was incredibly happy and was loved by him.

As I sit here reflecting upon the weekend, I a smile comes across my face and the warmth in my heart fills my every being, they were generous, warm, loving and everyone who was present could feel it… but for me seeing this beauty and being able to experience the celebration of marriage, restored my faith in love.

They came together at a time that was hard for them both.  Both having marriage breakups in their past they were somewhat cautious, but they surrendered and allowed their love to flow and within weeks their relationship blossomed and they knew that they were meant to be together.  To me they are such an inspiration to those of us who have had battles of love and heartache.  The journey is continuing with love and it will twist and turn throughout the course of a lifetime but knowing that the heart is open to discovering new depths of love and understanding for each other will enable you to grow stronger and pull together through those times.

And while I write about love, it's not just love of a partner it is a love of a friend.  And this is what I want to share with you.  I cried so much over the weekend when I saw my beautiful (inside and out) gorgeous friend ooze with love and passion for her new husband.  Knowing where she had come from, and the struggles that she had to face.  But also I cried over our friendship and what she meant to me.
We were like two magnets that were drawn together through our difficult but enlightening time, in our life.  The universe had a plan... putting us 3000 miles away from CA in not only the same state, but the same town when we both were searching for something to take our pain away.  Over a bottle of pink champagne in the true Line and Lisa style we forged a friendship... a true friendship.  We don't have to always talk, or see each other, but we both know we are there for each other.  We have laughed and cried, we have grown and shared, we have danced and drank together and we have been honest and truthful with each other... that is a friendship.

When ever I see her she always thanks me… her friends thank me, and her new husband and father thanked me this weekend too, for what I did for her.  I didn't do anything except open my door and offer her a safe haven to hide away from the world when she needed it.  I saw a soul that needed to be supported, not helped, because I couldn't do that… she had to do that, but I saw a beautiful woman with a huge heart of gold.  She now… rocks that beauty inside and out and the heart of gold is worn on her sleeve (with caution) but is given freely to those she has in her life.  I am so blessed and honored to call her my friend.  

But what I don't think she realized, until I sent her a text message about half hour before her marriage vows was that in that time of growth for us both, she helped me.  She taught me what a true friendship was.  It was the ability to be honest with someone and show them the love and not fear the out come.  I thought I would lose a friend… but I didn't… I gained a deeper friendship, an understanding of courage because it took a lot to speak my truth, and we gained a mutual respect but with that, I lost a fun loving house mate,  and the house felt empty again, the champagne glasses were in the cupboard no longer by the sink and fridge was stocked with bubbles just waiting for her visit… but that was fine with me… because a chapter of her life closed and the new one opened… The same happened for me.

I remember giving her a reading and saying you will get married again and it was will in four years.  She rolled her eyes and said, "I have to wait THAT long" and I nodded…. Four years later this weekend, she walked down the aisle in a sophisticated  fairy tail wedding, glowing as she looked at the man who she was going to marry.  

Our friendship is not one where we speak every day, we connect through the wonders of Facebook and the occasional text, but I know that she is there for me and I am there for her.  It's a bond that can't be broken and it's like that with many of my friends… but she taught me many lessons… she showed me it was good to be honest with your friends, something I have done ever since… She taught me about strength, as I saw her own strength shine through she thought she couldn't fight any more… She taught me to smile through the tough times even when you don't feel like it but it will make you feel better… but this weekend she and her husband restored my faith in love again… making me see that love isn't always easy but you can get through the struggles together by supporting one another not taking over and 'fixing' things and giving each other the freedom to be yourself.  

These are all things that we are all deserving of, a partner who will love and not control.  A partner who wants you to grow.  A partner who embraces your friends as part of their own circle of friends.  A partner who embraces your family as their own without judgement. A partner who you are proud of and they are proud of you.  A love that is unconditional. A love that will grow through the tests of time. A love that is healthy and free.  I know that these are the things I want and will have in my life.  I know that I want to marry and have that commitment to my partner and a family… I know that I am not the easiest person to love, but I also know that I will have someone who will give me the freedom, to support me, laugh with me at my silliest times and just say… "oh it's just Lisa doing her thing" and embrace my friends.  I know all of these things are possible and they are for everyone.  

While your partner is important, friends are equally important for you as that extra support network, when you need to bounce an idea off on them, when you need a shopping buddy who will tell you that your bum looks big in the dress that you love, and just to share a holiday with so that you can decompress and have some fun.  

So it's been a life changing weekend… Restoring my faith in love (because I didn't feel worthy of love and pushed people away) and knowing I can have all that I want…  and you can too!

With love

Lisa xx

Start being good to yourself!

Since being on the Alaskan cruise, which by the way was amazing, life has been crazy, but would you expect anything less… actually I was at dinner with my friend Julie who I worked with at Lifetime and I joked and said, my whole life is a reality show, and you don't need to script it… haha and we both laughed…. but actually it's true.  But I believe that everyones life can be like that, whether you want the simple life or not, there is always something that will 'upset the apple cart' as they say.

However it's finding balance and that balance has to come from within you.  We can find the calmness and not over react to situations in such an easy way but the thing is, is that we don't try to do it.  We wind our selves up and we find excuses… oh the excuses… they are there and they get bigger and better all the time.  And who are we trying to convince… our friends? Our family? Our lovers? Our partners… no we are trying to convince ourselves… thats all… because if those people had your best interests at heart then they would let you be yourself… so actually you are trying to convince yourself.

You find excuses not to meditate… I fall asleep, I can't focus, I can't still my mind.  Well actually we can all do it and we do it ALL the time without realizing.  Meditation is actually great for us, it calms us and helps us focus and stay connected to who we are.  I always know when I need to meditate more because I start to get into my thoughts and wind myself up.  I over react and I get anxious.  It's not worth it.  Its actually good for you.  20 minutes a day… we can all find that!

Another way is exercise… and OMG I am the 'QUEEN' of excuses for that… trust me no one will beat me with those excuses, but actually our body needs movement.  We have to move to get the energy flow through our physical body even if your movement is restricted.  You have to do what you can to make sure that you are taking care of the vessel that we house our soul in.  Because if the body isn't right and functioning your mind is not able to focus as it's consumed with other things such as joint pain and other things that are physical.  So 20 minutes is something that we can all do… we can find the time to walk, exercise, move the body, swing the arms… even if it's when you are doing other things around the house.  And of course diet is also in here… I am the worst person in the world for diet but when you consciously make an effort you will be surprised how quickly you feel well and good.

And finally the soul… we have to look after ourselves.  It was only last night that a friend of mine said to me that I had to be my one girlfriend… I had to love myself like a partner would and that involved going to bed at a decent hour and being good to me.  And she was right… I do… because I am the only one who can do it. No one else is going to do it, but you have to do it for you.  Doing what is right for you is so important.  Whether your friends want you too or not is a different matter you have to make sure that you do things for you.  That fulfill your soul. Be true to yourself.

These are all things for a healthy life, because it all works in harmony, the mind, body and soul and they all look after each other, so when one isn't functioning the others work in overdrive to make sure that you are ok.  So it's important to take the time for you.

I have recently had nutritionists, trainers, yoga instructors all come at me at once… seriously it's like the universe is saying… 'hey, come on it's time'… but trust me the excuses are there… hahaha but I am surrendering and allowing it to be.  I am allowing people to help me and teach me… it's amazing.  

So find the balance to help yourself… I don't always, in fact as many of you know I hate going to bed, I don't like cooking and I do meditate, which I love but think about it… my body is saying hey… give me a break and so the universe stepped in.

It's time to find the healthy balance and realize that you have to take charge of you, no one else is going to do it for you, you have to be responsible for your words, your actions, you have to be responsible for YOU!
So start to commit to yourself and know what you want and need.

My fitness routine starts tomorrow, and I know I often say that tomorrow never comes, but actually it's coming fast and while I can find all the excuses… I'm not going too… it's time to surrender and begin!

Sending you lots of love

Lisa xx