Recommitment!

(Posted Tuesday, July 10, 2012)

As you all know, I've been going through a time of healing and growth and it's never easy when we do these things.  People either are there for you or they are not… those that you thought would always be there sometimes let us down and those that you didn't even imagine would be there for you, bend over backwards to make you happy… it's incredible. I have amazing friends and they know who they are… and so thank you. 

But the one person who is always there for you, is YOU. You are the one person that needs to be embraced and loved.  You are always there for you.  I know it sounds silly, but you are… you have the ability to pick yourself up from the deepest darkest places, you have the ability to make yourself smile… you have the ability to be so much! 

You are incredible.  You deserve to be proud of yourself. You have the power to change, you have the ability to do what you want to do. It's about belief and trust in yourself.  We sometimes look to others to find love, happiness and understanding… however, we have to find it within ourself first.  If we can't love ourselves then how can we love? I remember saying that once and it was such a revelation. 

We have to do things that are right for us… do something that makes us happy, or feel alive… what ever you have to do.. you have to do it for you.  

What you remember is that you are accountable for what you say, and when people project negative things out to you, it's just a reflect of them selves.  So when someone tells you, you are not capable of love, it's really them that isn't.  If you are told you are not capable of intimacy, it's them that have the problem with it… so on and so forth.  This is what you have to remember.  It's also how other people accept you… if they don't like what you do and your actions, then you have to accept that not everyone is going to like it and that its their problem, as long as you are being true to yourself then that is what matter. 

I did just that.  I had a commitment ceremony for me.  I woke up on Saturday and thought, today I am going to recommit to myself.  I am going to commit myself to be happy, and healthy and most of all to love myself… Recently what has happened is that everything that was bought for me while I was in a relationship that meant anything to me, has some how disappeared… I was gutted… but it was so symbolic in a way… so I decided that I wasn't supposed to have them.  So I figured that I was going to get myself something that was for me, a commitment to me.  

Recently I have been so aware of me not wearing a ring on my finger and it felt wrong, I have always worn one, whether I was in a relationship or not… so I decided I was going to get myself the ring that I have always wanted.  So off I went on my little mission… and the first place I went… there is was… staring me in the face… just this simple and pretty band… it was what I wanted… Of course me being me I tried on so many others but no… that was it!  The guy asked me if I wanted to wear it and I said no… I couldn't… I wasn't ready. 

So I headed home and sat in a quiet space outside by my bedroom, and just sat… it reminded me of the ceremony that I had done before when I threw my wedding rings off the back of a cruise ship… but this was about me… I sat and thought about what I wanted in my life, who was part of it, who wasn't… who I wanted and who I didn't.  I sat with what my goals and dreams were, I sat with what my passions were… I sat with all the things I needed and wanted in my life… I sat with it all.  I embraced I was, a good, caring person who loved everyone and saw the goodness in everyone.  It was so powerful… 

I sat with this tiny box… and I unwrapped it and took out this delicate ring and placed it on my finger and as I pushed it on I told myself that I was able to love, and love myself and others around me… I loved unconditionally, and that I was going to look after myself and in turn that would help me to look after others.  I recommitted myself to myself, to my love and my well being… and as the ring slipped in to place, I noticed a tear running down my right cheek… I didn't sob or cry, it was just weeping… 

I sat there just in the sunlight and I lay back on the bed that I was sitting on and just looked in to the sky and then suddenly a hummingbird came by and fluttered right in front of me for quite some time… It was peaceful and magical. 

I then went in to the bathroom as I was heading out with some friends, and I put my iPod on shuffle and I was amazed at the song that came on, and the words were perfect.  It was 'Long Gone' by Lady A… 'Long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays, Well this girl is gone' was the line that hit me… 

And then the bridge… 

Gone like the wind under Superman's cape.

Like a thief in the night I made the great escape

I'm not the kind of girl that keeps making the same mistakes….

It just reconfirmed that I was on the right pathway, I was not going to repeat history and that I had had come full circle.  When I told my friend she said, that she finally has the friend back that she met 12 years ago… It was good to hear… I am strong, I am committed and I deserve happiness… 

It's not easy, and trust me there have been some very very dark moments… but you have to know that you are in control of how you deal with them.  Sometimes you have to sever all ties and move on with your life and make it about your happiness, not someone else's.  You can try to help but if your help or words aren't accepted, if that person doesn't trust and wants to think into a situation that is not real then that is their problem.  If they retaliate in a mean of vicious way, you have to know that this is their call, and it's how you handle the situation… and sometimes what is best, is just quite simply walking away… knowing that you will and can let go of that, because it just reflects the space that they are in, but you can hold the love in your heart for them, and hope that maybe one day that they see in themselves what you saw in them… because as I said… what they say to you is just a reflection of what they are feeling inside. 

It's interesting because my friend has been going through this stuff and I've had to help her, and it's helped me see so much. 

So with that said, just remember who YOU are and know that YOU are worthy of so much. 

Be good to yourself and smile… because no matter how bad things get the sun will shine again and it's how you deal with it that is the key… 

With love

Lisa xx

Hey you... get outta my head!

(Posted Monday, July 2, 2012)

Finding the motivation and inspiration can be sometimes really hard when someone or something has hurt you.  You can sit and dwell in your own negativity but most of all your own thoughts.  These thoughts can wash around in your mind and you can start to create your own cynarios up in your head and before you know you it, you have blown everything out of proportion.  

I know that you are sitting there and agreeing with it, but how many of us realize when it's happening?  It takes a great deal of strength to actually realize when it's happening but not only that to pull ourselves away from it, and say "HEY… crazy thought… get outta my head!" haha

But we have to… we have to do this to come back to the true soul that we are… the true essence of who we are.  I've had to master this… well I wouldn't say master it, but I have had to work on this over the last few months.  My own thoughts can really come in to play and I would wind myself up. But now… I stop and look and then take a calm breath and if something up sets me then I don't react… I will wait until 'Veronica' (the crazy woman that has these crazy thoughts) stops her chatter and then Lisa steps in and rationalizes it. 

Even though I've had to do it, I've actually see the way that some people who haven't been able to do it, they roller coaster with their emotions, going from one extreme to another, and never wanting to stop the pain and only seeing what they want to believe rather than stepping back, taking a breath and seeing and realizing the truth and maybe realizing that they are completely wrong and actually over reacting.  These over reactions can lead to hurtful comments and then actions are taken accordingly.  It's just drama… and we have enough drama in the world without creating any more. 

So sometimes we just have to stop… not react and breathe.  So if that means that you have to ignore that text message that has come in and pushed all your buttons and they are now lighting up all over the place, then you have to ignore.  If that means that you don't open an email that you know is going to have an impact on you, then you don't… you wait until you are ready.  If that means that you have to wait to make the call, until you are in the right frame of mind then you wait.  

It can be annoying to you and maybe the other person too, but it's the way that sometimes we have to deal with tough situations. 

Have you ever realized that the word Listen has the same words as Silence?  When you give yourself silence to still your crazy Veronica moment, you will be able to listen to the truth, and you will be able to feel the love and then you can react from that place rather than the crazy person that we can become when our thoughts get the better of us. 

It's not been easy for me to do, but I am getting better at it… in fact I think I'm pretty good now… I don't text unless I want too, I don't email unless I want too, I don't talk unless I want too… yes it maybe selfish but it's actually a good thing because I don't over react, I think things through carefully and go from there. 

So when you find that you are having a moment in your head and living in your thoughts that are jumping around and someone is pushing all your buttons and they are flashing too… STOP! Get off the merry go round and STOP… breathe, take a walk, ignore the text allow yourself to be present and you will find that you don't have to say certain things, and that the hurtful words don't have to come out, it can all come from a place of love… and isn't that what we are all wanting… We are all wanting to be loved… We are all wanting to be safe! 

So think about it, STOP, BREATHE and RELAX… it can help with so much. 

Have a beautiful week xxx