Growing up and into my shoes!

(Posted Monday, June 18, 2012)

As I sit here on the eve of my birthday, I could reflect on the last 39 years, but whats the point in that.  I have done many things in life some I would want to repeat, others I would not. Many things I have learnt from, and a few I haven't… but there is one thing that has always stuck in my head, and that is… "never get to my age and regret something you never did" It was my granddad who always said that, and to live life with no regrets… and I have and I will continue to do so. 

So as I step into my 40th year (I'm turning 39) I step it to it feeling so full… so grateful… so happy… so content… so blessed… but most of all so loved. It's an amazing feeling and I sit here with tears in my eyes knowing that tomorrow is going to be powerful and incredible in every single way.  I wish I could say that it's been carefully planned out… it hasn't, well not by me… the universe has had a hand in this… it's taking me on a journey of self discovery and growth. Not that I am not on that journey now… because I am, but for some reason my birthday has been lined up with so many amazing and insightful things that is only going to enhance the journey that I am on. 

I feel a cleansing, a shift and new beginning that is happening.  Every thing that is no longer needed in my life is leaving… and I have opened my arms and surrendered and said… if its not serving me it will leave and it's leaving.  I have lost material things that have meant so much to me, but I realize that they no longer serve me.  I have lost people in my life, and I realize that our pathways are no longer crossing and I have accepted that that is the case.  The pathways may cross again at some point but for now… I'm on my journey. 

I didn't really think about it until recently.  I have always said that life begins at 40… But I'm not 40, but I'm taking the step into my 40th year… and I know that there is a massive shift… and everything that has been lined up tomorrow and the synchronicities that have happened are proving that I am right.  It feels so freeing, so enlightening and so powerful.  I am not celebrating with anyone, I'm am celebrating with me and I am celebrating me. 

I've learnt so much about me recently, how I am, who I am, what I want, and what I need.  Some of you may think I am being selfish with my thoughts in my blog, but over the last few weeks I have had amazing comments about real and authentic it is… and you know, that is all I have been… and I am continuing it here.  So yes… I'm being selfish. But I am sharing my authenticity with you, but most of all I am sharing my journey with you. 

I have realized that you should never fear anything.  My biggest fear was being alone and no one liking me.  HUGE fear.  I stepped into that fear recently and I will continue to step into that fear tomorrow, by being alone.  I never liked being alone on my birthday it was all about who wanted to be with you, and how many cards you got… (we used to count them as kids) but not now, I will be with me.   I have realized that love is unconditional, no boundaries, just pure love.  No control, being able to make mistakes but knowing that you have the love that is going to help pick you up and dust you off, not the love that is going to do it for you so you don't learn.  Love is about being able to voice an opinion and not being told that you can't do it, or that you are no good.  Love is pure… its open and freeing but it has to start with you.  I recently had a tattoo that represented that to me, and I see it every day, its a reminder for me. 

Even though I have known this for a long time, and I practised it before, over a number of years my ways changed. I always put someone else before me, maybe it started when I became a mom… who knows but I realized I didn't like me, so how could I love me.   I did an exercise with my therapist recently, and I have to say I was shocked at what came out of it.  She asked me a series of questions and I just had to talk. I wasn't to think about it, I just had to talk. And the answers came and went and she scribbled down everything that I said, and I am sitting here with the piece of paper, looking at it.  

I never felt I was worthy of many things in life, and this exercise was about you seeing the worth in you… I didn't realize it at the time… but what came out of it was powerful.  And I'm going to share them with you… you may use them as affirmations if you wish… but this is the REAL Lisa. 

• When I stay connected to how my thoughts and behaviors affect others, I am at my best. 
• I am deserving to explore what I want
• I'm in charge of me. 
• I'm more connected to my authenticity
• I'm showing myself and others how to be vulnerable and embrace it
• I am in love and I'm in love with myself
• The better I feel about myself internally the better I feel externally 
• People love me for who I am, not how I look
• I am persistent, driven and follow through. I do what I say I'm going to do. 
• I protect and I'm a damn good mom, I will keep us safe! 
• I am growing into my shoes! 

I surprised myself when she read these back, but they were my exact words.  I realized that I knew who I was… it was just hidden under a layer of unwanted crap that needed to be cleared.  When we realize this we can surrender that crap to the universe and allow it to be taken away.  My crap was my baggage… it was the stuff that I have been through over the years. Things that I had held onto, beliefs that I had kept in my mind and had been reinforced by others because I have led them to believe them.  I projected it and therefore I got it.  

So I am going to be embracing and being embraced on a life changing spiritual quest that is calling for me.  In fact every time I write or talk about it, I just fill up, as I am doing now.  It's something that I HAVE to do, it's something that has been lined up for me. I know it's going to be healing and change my life somehow and I am totally open to anything that happens. 

So when ever things open up for you, and there are too many synchronicities and co-incidences that happen in life, just surrender to what is supposed to be, and allow it to happen.  Don't fight it.  Don't force it, don't judge it… but allow it to be.  Because it can change your life.  remember to love yourself.  Don't put conditions on you and those that you love, just be.  Nothing more, nothing less.  

For me I had a vision, I knew it was there… I just stepped into the shoes, and I will grow into them! 

I love you all and thank you for supporting me on this journey… I like who I am! 

With love 

Lisa xx

Time to start believing!

(Posted Tuesday, June 12, 2012)

I sit here and I wonder where the last 3 and a half months have gone… I feel like I have been in a complete time warp and that I woke up and suddenly it's June! WOW… I remember I used to say to clients when I could see that times would be tough, "If I could put you to sleep and wake you up after X amount of time it will all be over" and they would say… yes please… now I know what it feels like… it feels like I have been asleep, it feels like I have just been existing and going through the motions. 

I sit here over three months on and look at where I have come from.  I remember the times where I cried, I remember the times where I was angry.  I remember taking the dogs for a walk and wondering how I got to this place from love… there were so many questions, and not any answers.  I remember sitting on the beach unsure of what the next step was or where it was going to take me.  I remember the fear that I had and how I held on to the fear because it was all that I knew.  

But here I am on a Monday night looking back on the journey and embracing it, and loving it and learning from it.  Has it been easy… Oh no… have I cried… Oh yes… do I want to go through it again… No way.  I am so grateful for the experience because it's showed me what I want and what I need and what I love in my life.  And I can honestly sit here and say I am in love.  I am in love with me.  WOW it's been a long time coming… but I am in that space to feel it, and accept it and believe it. 

Of course there will be times that will be hard, like recently… and in fact today even… but you push through them knowing that it's just a thought… A thought that is coming in your mind… just that moment of negativity that is there.  I sit with it, and I feel it and embrace it.  It doesn't take long until it subsides to love and goes to the reason why I am here and what I do and the people in my life. 

Those connections and people are invaluable and I love them dearly.  I don't always agree with what has been said, I don't always listen, but I know that they are there unconditionally… Knowing that you have some there for you in what you need.  

So the lesson that I have learnt from this whole experience is that we have to experience life and all it has to offer.  The good the bad, but don't distract yourself away from the feeling… just sit with it.  Allow yourself to feel that emotion and allow yourself to believe in you.  You can do so much, you can help yourself and you can help others.  I realized that without this growth I was not able to help others.  We can lose our way.  

I did a reading recently and this guy asked me how to get back on the pathway and so I pulled from my experience and I helped him, and it was so nice to get feedback and to find that he was getting back on track… I finally felt like I was back doing what I love, changing lives and helping others. I had been put down because of my new network that I was creating, and that I wasn't what someone would call a spiritual advisor… and I disagreed… just because it was one persons feeling didn't mean that it was everyone else's, and to see that my reading and my words impacted and changed someones life made me feel like I was doing what I was put on this planet to do.  It bought me back to my belief again. 

It takes us a while when things have been rocky to rediscover who we are and what we want and where we are going.  But it's time to believe in yourself, and what you believe in. Its time to stand your ground and know that your truth is your truth, no one is going to take that from you and no one should.  If you believe it then it's real for you. You are the one that experiencing it and it's your process and your experience.  But know that when you are struggling, it's just a thought that comes into your head, its just a memory that you are accessing, its just something that has sparked off an emotion.  Sit with it, for 5 minutes and then see how you feel about it, you may feel differently about it after a while, you may see the love of a situation.  You may see the fear within you, you may see many things that you recognize but you don't want to take them on board.  when you are ready you will… just know that when it happens the timing will be perfect for you. 

What you have to remember is that you are valued, you are love and you are love.  You need to just believe that!

So now it's about connections for me, and my new network of Mediums and Psychic (will be coming soon).  Connecting people together is important and so I named the network Soul Connections, Spiritual Advisors by Lisa Williams (nope I didn't change the name :)) Where I am believing in who I have trained and know that they are incredible and that they can help other people connect with souls who have crossed over.  I believe in them, they believe in me, and together we believe in each other. 

It's time to start believing… :)

With love

Lisa xx